You're Not Too Much. They Just Weren't Enough!

Just recently, I've blocked at least four men for approaching me with the bare minimum. I've tried "shooting my shot." I've literally given my number out and said "call me." I've extended compliments and showed interest. I've tried allowing them to court me, although I can be very anal and particular about things. I've even subjected myself to the craziness and complete idiocracy of Facebook dating. Each time, I was met with what a man "could do for me," "could spend on me," or how they could "love on me," "provide for me," love bombed, flattered, promised.... blah blah blah. Yet, when it was time to fulfill those promises and back those words up with real action, their disposition changed to, "you're too independent," or "maybe we should go dutch on dates until I know we're serious." The absolute audacity and unmitigated gall of some of these men. One man literally told me he loves planning dates, wanted to wine and dine me, and even said he could see himself taking my daughters and I to Disney World on our first trip together. Sounds sweet right? But when it came time to plan our very first date, literally to get some tacos, he said he'd rather I pay for myself until he believes we're serious about each other. Wanna know the wildest part? He wasn't even that cute! The audacity. Sis, we deserve men who don't want us to life a finger. To think, the times where I'm actually minding my business, trying to just live my life in peace, here comes somebody's unhealed son bothering me and not living up to the fairytale hype he led with.

It was in these moments where I had to remind myself: I am not too much. They just simply weren't enough. We live in a society where women are constantly conditioned to shrink themselves, and dim their light and tone down their independence just to be chosen by someone who can't even provide a fork for the table she's already built. Tuh! We're made to feel like we are asking for the world just because we want some consistency, kindness and effort, when those are basic things. But being chosen by someone who can't even take the time to recognize your value is far from love. Girl, that's settling. You're unfortunately surviving in a space where you are longing for emotional connection from someone who still relies on you to pour into their cup. And let's face it, their cup probably has an enormous hole at the bottom of it.

Sis, your standards are not too high. You're just encountering people who can't live up to them because they're lacking in various aspects of their own lives. Stop explaining your worth to people who are actively committed to misunderstanding you. Don't you ever negotiate your needs for temporary company, especially from someone who's willing to hurt you by simply taking advantage of your vulnerability. You are not asking for too much. You are asking the wrong people. You need to start making room for the kind of unwavering love that does not require you to diminish who you are or dismantle yourself into tiny little pieces just to be seen. Your light shines too bright for that. If a man sees your strength and he responds to that with insecurity, run! His insecurities are not your problem to solve. That is your cue to exit. Remember when Whoopi Goldberg told Molly in "Ghost," "Molly, you in danger girl." Keep that in mind. An insecure man is a dangerous one.

To every woman reading this: you are more than enough. You are the prize. You are worthy of love. Trust me, the right man will never ask you to dim your light or be less than who you are for him to feel comfortable enough to choose you.